Well everyone...we have the results and it's wonderful news. We are PREGNANT!!
Sorry for the delay we were able to tell our families and close friends yesterday. I am obviously beyond happy. We found out on Tuesday that our beta was 171, however, on Thursday the beta did not double like the doctors like, it went up to 285 so they wanted a 3rd beta on Saturday morning. The beta came back at 771, which more then doubled from the previous count. The doctors like to see a doubling every 48-72 hours at the very beginning of the pregnancy. The nurses said that we didn't need another blood draw that they were happy with those numbers, so good news!
Our miracle has happened and we are just to thrilled with this blessing. We will be going in at the end of March for our 6week ultrasound. At this ultrasound they will be able to see the baby and possibly a heartbeat.
Tons of emotions right now but still just praying that everything continues to progress nicely. Long ago I knew that any pregnancy I had would not be easy. Forget about all of the the ectopics and the IVF I am still a Type 1 Diabetic and that brings a lot of extra worry to a pregnancy. Nothing, however that I cannot handle.
OMG, I can't believe that I am finally writing this. We will be having a baby in the fall and I am PREGNANT!!!
Thank you so much for all the prayers, love and support.
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Monday, March 12, 2012
The 2 week wait continues
Today, in technical terms I am 10 days past my 3 day transfer (10dp3dt) and so very close to completing the 2 week wait. By the end of this week I will know if I am pregnant or not. A BETA (a pregnancy blood test) will be done to determine if there is any HCG (the pregnancy hormone) in my system and if so how much. Now if there is :), then they will be looking at that number to double every 2 days.
Today, I am very calm and I have been for a couple of days after last weeks hormonal melt down. Do I have any symptoms of pregnancy...I have some but remember the reason the 2ww plays games with you is that most pregnancy symptoms are similar to period symptoms. I am also trying now to compare these symptoms to previous pregnancies as we all know all those ended. Here they are though for your reading pleasure, sorry in advance for too much info.
Today, I am very calm and I have been for a couple of days after last weeks hormonal melt down. Do I have any symptoms of pregnancy...I have some but remember the reason the 2ww plays games with you is that most pregnancy symptoms are similar to period symptoms. I am also trying now to compare these symptoms to previous pregnancies as we all know all those ended. Here they are though for your reading pleasure, sorry in advance for too much info.
- I am very tired.
- My boobs hurt and the veins in my boobs are dark (I know too much info)
- Horrible headache
These are the symptoms that really shouldn't be part of the side effects from the medication, since they just started happening late last week.
On a wonderful note our Michigan State Spartans are Big Ten Tournament Champs and got a #1 seed going into the NCAA tournament. My husband and I couldn't help but remember all of the wonderful memories that we share in East Lansing. Even though we are pushing 30 we couldn't help but wish we were in East Lansing to celebrate like college kids again. I'm sure we wouldn't be able to hang like we used to but you never know.
My husband and I cannot wait to raise little Spartans, we already have our Gabby. She know that if we say Go Green she puts her hands up like a touchdown. I, had to remind my husband that next basketball season there could be a little spartan cheering on his/her future college. The options really are endless in dressing a child in Spartan gear. :)
I would like to say thanks for all the well wishes and prayers. I will post until Wednesday and then return sometime this weekend to let you all know the results. We will be taking a little time to tell our family and close friends before we post it to the world via the blog.
This household is giddy with Spartan pride, I think a new Spartan outfit is needed for the tournament. So I'm off to go shopping and to let myself relax.
Thursday, March 8, 2012
7 Days Past Transfer
This is a hard time in the 2 week wait, at least for me. I'm about 1/2 way there and I'm going crazy. Every twinge, cramp, headache, etc. makes me think I'm getting my period or that I could be pregnant. My husband is great he keeps telling me it's not over until it's over. Friends, I'm a little depressed today, well a lot, I just don't think it has worked. I, of course, want a sign that it has, I need to be puking, my boobs killing and crying all the time, then I would think it had worked.
I am still praying that I am wrong and that I, like I tend to do, am just thinking the worst but hoping for the best. This, is my way of guarding my heart. I am strong, I know that and everyone around me know that, but this is where I break. I have such a inner faith that I am meant to be a mom and it hurts me terribly that my husband and I are having to work this hard and have so much heartache to get there. My dear friend told me the other night, (and I mean no offense to moms that conceived naturally) "Stef, all of this just means that you will look at your own child in a way that no other mom could ever possibly. You and B have worked so hard and that makes the outcome that much sweeter." Thank you to my support group because these are those times when I just need you to hope for me.
I know too well what it would mean to never have a child of my own. My dear Aunt and Uncle, whom I love dearly never had any of their own. We have talked countless hours about my situation and our decision to put so much into this. I know it hurts them probably, as much as me, to see "their princess," go through the same heartache they went through all those years ago. They have been a huge part of my life, you have to wonder if they had any of their own if we would have been so close, I would like to think so but you just never know. I questioned this very early on, "If I was meant to only be an Aunt?"
I asked a good friend of mine who is also going through fertility treatments what she thought about that, she gave me the best response anyone could have ever, "Stef, you aren't just an Aunt. Do you see the way all the kids look at you and the way you and B give your life to making their's better. In life sometimes being "mom-like," doesn't always mean being someones mom it means opening your loving home, your heart and giving all your love to them. Plus you will be an amazing mom and your will always be an incredible aunt." I totally loved the end of the conversation, "Wish we could cry over some Chardonnay but I still fully believe your pregnant, so deal with it."
Love it!!
My thoughts and prayers today are simply reminders of the wonderful people and things in my life and that I stay strong and hold on to the fact that I still could be pregnant. Also, to quit letting my nervousness and fear of another heartbreak stop me from being positive. I ask for some extra prayers today, it's just one of those days.
I am still praying that I am wrong and that I, like I tend to do, am just thinking the worst but hoping for the best. This, is my way of guarding my heart. I am strong, I know that and everyone around me know that, but this is where I break. I have such a inner faith that I am meant to be a mom and it hurts me terribly that my husband and I are having to work this hard and have so much heartache to get there. My dear friend told me the other night, (and I mean no offense to moms that conceived naturally) "Stef, all of this just means that you will look at your own child in a way that no other mom could ever possibly. You and B have worked so hard and that makes the outcome that much sweeter." Thank you to my support group because these are those times when I just need you to hope for me.
I know too well what it would mean to never have a child of my own. My dear Aunt and Uncle, whom I love dearly never had any of their own. We have talked countless hours about my situation and our decision to put so much into this. I know it hurts them probably, as much as me, to see "their princess," go through the same heartache they went through all those years ago. They have been a huge part of my life, you have to wonder if they had any of their own if we would have been so close, I would like to think so but you just never know. I questioned this very early on, "If I was meant to only be an Aunt?"
I asked a good friend of mine who is also going through fertility treatments what she thought about that, she gave me the best response anyone could have ever, "Stef, you aren't just an Aunt. Do you see the way all the kids look at you and the way you and B give your life to making their's better. In life sometimes being "mom-like," doesn't always mean being someones mom it means opening your loving home, your heart and giving all your love to them. Plus you will be an amazing mom and your will always be an incredible aunt." I totally loved the end of the conversation, "Wish we could cry over some Chardonnay but I still fully believe your pregnant, so deal with it."
Love it!!
My thoughts and prayers today are simply reminders of the wonderful people and things in my life and that I stay strong and hold on to the fact that I still could be pregnant. Also, to quit letting my nervousness and fear of another heartbreak stop me from being positive. I ask for some extra prayers today, it's just one of those days.
Monday, March 5, 2012
Bed Rest and Begin of 2WW
I am finally done with my best rest and am now able to get back to my blog.
Transfer Day
We had our transfer as planned at 10:45am on Friday morning. Although, I have been to our clinic many many times there is something about transfer day that makes me emotional and grateful to their staff for being a part of our journey. One of my favorite nurses, Fran came and got me and I was extremely relieved, she will answer any and all questions you have and she is very gentle. The area where the transfer happens is in a back area of the clinic, it looks much more like a hospital setting. There Fran got me situated and into my bed, where I could get prepared.
Just a little reminder, girls don't forget to get your toes done before you have your transfer, oh and please don't forget to shave your legs :)
The embryos did well and 2 thawed just perfectly, typically only 80% of embryos thaw correctly. We we thrilled to hear that. Dr. Dodds said they looked wonderful, embryos have different grades.
The transfer was a little different than previous transfers because of the new protocol of injecting HCG straight into my uterus before the embryos were transferred. I wasn't even sure what to expect when I was wheeled into the operating room. The transfer begins much like a pap smear, girls you know how it goes, your feet in stirrups legs wide open. The big difference is that with an IVF transfer they need to prop your bottom up so that they can look clear to your cervix. So anyway enough of that, the HCG protocol calls for the doctor to inject the HCG with a catheter similar to the one used for the embryos. Then the fun part you have to lay there in that same fun position for 8 mins.
After the 8 mins. then a new catheter is used to inject our beautiful embryos. Pretty simple. After that I had to lay with my legs up for an hour. I again, am not a sit still type of person, I kept on asking my husband, it it time yet. I was ready to go home. They finally came in and said you can go home.
...this was my face
We drove home, with my feet on the dash laid back and the bed rest began. All day Friday I laid around with my feet in the air, my sissy, Ang came over with my nephew Mason. This was so wonderful I love watching my husband with him. Most of you reading this know us well enough to know that we LOVE being an Aunt and Uncle. Saturday and Sunday were much of the same, just laying on the couch. My niece Gabby came to keep me company on Sunday.
Now the famous 2 week wait (2ww) begins. Anyone who has gone through IVF knows well that this is the horrible 2 weeks after the transfer before you can find out if the procedure has worked or not. It's really is terrible, every little twinge, cramp, etc. gets you thinking. Doctors tell you not to take home pregnancy tests because they can be wrong and really the pregnancy hormone has already been injected into you so that can cause false negatives or positives. I, however, do not listen to doctors, I will start taking home pregnancy tests at some point. I'm not sure when this time but much closer to the end of that 2ww.
Today is 4 days past my transfer and I am still going to lay low although I could get moving a bit. To me this is part of that decision to not work, that I am going to relax and take everything in. I have already been asked, "Do you feel pregnant?" That is such a hard question for me because I very well know how many medications are in my system and how many I have to continue with all of which can make me "feel pregnant." I am also too scared to say out loud either way. Am I optimistic, yes. Have I put my Faith in this, yes. This is one of those moments in life when you really have to just pray.
I am really excited though and just pray that this is the time.
Transfer Day
We had our transfer as planned at 10:45am on Friday morning. Although, I have been to our clinic many many times there is something about transfer day that makes me emotional and grateful to their staff for being a part of our journey. One of my favorite nurses, Fran came and got me and I was extremely relieved, she will answer any and all questions you have and she is very gentle. The area where the transfer happens is in a back area of the clinic, it looks much more like a hospital setting. There Fran got me situated and into my bed, where I could get prepared.
 |
| Here I am right before being taking in for the transfer...cute I know :) |
The transfer was a little different than previous transfers because of the new protocol of injecting HCG straight into my uterus before the embryos were transferred. I wasn't even sure what to expect when I was wheeled into the operating room. The transfer begins much like a pap smear, girls you know how it goes, your feet in stirrups legs wide open. The big difference is that with an IVF transfer they need to prop your bottom up so that they can look clear to your cervix. So anyway enough of that, the HCG protocol calls for the doctor to inject the HCG with a catheter similar to the one used for the embryos. Then the fun part you have to lay there in that same fun position for 8 mins.
After the 8 mins. then a new catheter is used to inject our beautiful embryos. Pretty simple. After that I had to lay with my legs up for an hour. I again, am not a sit still type of person, I kept on asking my husband, it it time yet. I was ready to go home. They finally came in and said you can go home.
...this was my face
 |
| This is how Gabby helped with my bed rest, she rested with me :) |
Today is 4 days past my transfer and I am still going to lay low although I could get moving a bit. To me this is part of that decision to not work, that I am going to relax and take everything in. I have already been asked, "Do you feel pregnant?" That is such a hard question for me because I very well know how many medications are in my system and how many I have to continue with all of which can make me "feel pregnant." I am also too scared to say out loud either way. Am I optimistic, yes. Have I put my Faith in this, yes. This is one of those moments in life when you really have to just pray.
I am really excited though and just pray that this is the time.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Frozen Embryo Procedure
As promised I wanted to explain further how the actual Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET) procedure actually works. This is our 2nd attempt at the FET, the first transfer was a Fresh Cycle Transfer. The difference between a fresh and a frozen cycle is that during a fresh cycle the procedure consists of actually getting as many eggs as you can and then creating embryos to be transferred either during that procedure or to be frozen for further FET procedures. Following our Fresh Cycle we were left with 6 embryos, we used two during the 2nd attempt and we are planning on using another 2 this time.
A FET is a much less invasive procedure and really is quite a bit less painful, even though there is still pain associated with it, for me it really is much less painful. Our clinic has 2 different protocols for a FET transfer, there is a short and long protocol. The short protocol we did the previous time and requires a shorter period of time which means many more trips to the doctor and for some quite a bit more pain, I would have to agree. My clinic is mainly doing a long protocol procedure at this point because they feel it is much less stressful on the woman's body and really is much easier.
With this protocol we will also be doing a brand new procedure in which they will inject HCG (the pregnancy hormone) directly into my uterus. The thought being that by injecting the HCG we are giving the embryos an even better chance of survival. With the previous transfers we have taken HCG in form of a "trigger shot," meaning that we are triggering the body into "pregnancy." There have been quite a few studies suggesting that this new procedure is much more successful. To me any new and proven studies is a no brainier, I of course said lets go for it.
As for the actual transfer they must "thaw" our embryos. We have discussed with our doctors many times that we are comfortable with transferring 2 embryos at a time. Remember any or all of these embryos could take leading to multiples. The thought of transferring more than 2 is an ethical standpoint for our doctor. He truly believes that the possibility of transferring more than 2 could lead to multiples which could cause complications to my health, as well as, the babies. We have, however, said that if for some reason not all of the 2 embryos thaw we would consider thawing the other 2 and transfer more than 2. Transferring more than 2 and being pregnant with anything more the twins terrifies me, my health being a Type 1 Diabetic and that of our babies is so at risk that it really makes us nervous.
The doctors will thaw our embryos on Thursday. On Friday morning, our Transfer Day, I will take a Valium to take the edge off (love that stuff :)), and then head to the clinic. Once the correct time hits the doctors will first inject my uterus with the HCG. Once they have completed this they will place the 2 embryos in a catheter and carefully guide that catheter through my cervix. Previously, they have measured the dimensions of my uterus to make sure they are placing the embryos in the best spot for implantation. Once the doctor is at the correct spot he will inject both our embryos...and then that's it.
Our doctor is a wonderful man of God, he always says a little prayer right after the transfer. I appreciate this so much because this was the reason we chose him for our doctor.
Then we are taken back to our room and the bed rest begins, I will lay there with my feet in the air for around an hour and then head home. The bed rest will continue for a good 3 days and then the horrible 2 week wait begins. The 2 week wait in the fertility world is the 2 weeks that you have to wait before you find out if the procedure works or not. They tell you not to take any home pregnancy tests during this time because the injections of the HCG can give you false negs or positives. I, however, being completely impatient take tons.
Ok so that the Frozen Embryo Transfer in a nutshell. I encourage you to do research of your own on the internet as it really it much more complex then this but I'm giving you the low down in everyday terms.
My nurse has called and our transfer will take place on March 2 at 10:45 am, please say a special prayer at that time for us that our dear embryos find a warm home within my uterus. Please also pray that I don't make myself too crazy during the best rest. :) I will continue to post during the 2 week wait, at some point I will take a brief time off to find out whether it has worked or not. I will tell my family the results and then let you all know good or bad.
A FET is a much less invasive procedure and really is quite a bit less painful, even though there is still pain associated with it, for me it really is much less painful. Our clinic has 2 different protocols for a FET transfer, there is a short and long protocol. The short protocol we did the previous time and requires a shorter period of time which means many more trips to the doctor and for some quite a bit more pain, I would have to agree. My clinic is mainly doing a long protocol procedure at this point because they feel it is much less stressful on the woman's body and really is much easier.
With this protocol we will also be doing a brand new procedure in which they will inject HCG (the pregnancy hormone) directly into my uterus. The thought being that by injecting the HCG we are giving the embryos an even better chance of survival. With the previous transfers we have taken HCG in form of a "trigger shot," meaning that we are triggering the body into "pregnancy." There have been quite a few studies suggesting that this new procedure is much more successful. To me any new and proven studies is a no brainier, I of course said lets go for it.
As for the actual transfer they must "thaw" our embryos. We have discussed with our doctors many times that we are comfortable with transferring 2 embryos at a time. Remember any or all of these embryos could take leading to multiples. The thought of transferring more than 2 is an ethical standpoint for our doctor. He truly believes that the possibility of transferring more than 2 could lead to multiples which could cause complications to my health, as well as, the babies. We have, however, said that if for some reason not all of the 2 embryos thaw we would consider thawing the other 2 and transfer more than 2. Transferring more than 2 and being pregnant with anything more the twins terrifies me, my health being a Type 1 Diabetic and that of our babies is so at risk that it really makes us nervous.
The doctors will thaw our embryos on Thursday. On Friday morning, our Transfer Day, I will take a Valium to take the edge off (love that stuff :)), and then head to the clinic. Once the correct time hits the doctors will first inject my uterus with the HCG. Once they have completed this they will place the 2 embryos in a catheter and carefully guide that catheter through my cervix. Previously, they have measured the dimensions of my uterus to make sure they are placing the embryos in the best spot for implantation. Once the doctor is at the correct spot he will inject both our embryos...and then that's it.
Our doctor is a wonderful man of God, he always says a little prayer right after the transfer. I appreciate this so much because this was the reason we chose him for our doctor.
Then we are taken back to our room and the bed rest begins, I will lay there with my feet in the air for around an hour and then head home. The bed rest will continue for a good 3 days and then the horrible 2 week wait begins. The 2 week wait in the fertility world is the 2 weeks that you have to wait before you find out if the procedure works or not. They tell you not to take any home pregnancy tests during this time because the injections of the HCG can give you false negs or positives. I, however, being completely impatient take tons.
Ok so that the Frozen Embryo Transfer in a nutshell. I encourage you to do research of your own on the internet as it really it much more complex then this but I'm giving you the low down in everyday terms.
My nurse has called and our transfer will take place on March 2 at 10:45 am, please say a special prayer at that time for us that our dear embryos find a warm home within my uterus. Please also pray that I don't make myself too crazy during the best rest. :) I will continue to post during the 2 week wait, at some point I will take a brief time off to find out whether it has worked or not. I will tell my family the results and then let you all know good or bad.
Monday, February 27, 2012
Wonderful Weekend Before Transfer Week
This weekend was amazing and everything we needed before our transfer week began. It was my niece, Gabby's Birthday Party and we got to spend Sunday with our nephew, Mason and my husband's family. Gabby's Birthday Party was at our house and it was so much fun. I made her Elmo Cupcakes as her cake and they turned out so good and cute. Having our home filled with family and so much love was wonderful and relaxing.
My husband and I adore Gabby, she brings so much joy to our house whenever she is over. Our basement has turned into her play area, who am I kidding the whole house has been taken over :) We, however, wouldn't want it any other way.
That brings us to "transfer week," our frozen embryo transfer is still scheduled for Friday. We won't know what time until Wednesday, as everything has to be administered at just the right time. Following the transfer I will be on strict bed-rest for 3 days or until Sunday evening. I will post later this week about how the actual procedure works.
I'm anxious, excited and ready. I know this week will go by so fast, which means I need to make sure we have food in the house and we are prepared for me to be out of commission for 3 days. As for medication week we will be adding 2 different shots and 3 different pill medications to our medication list.
One of the shots is Progesterone, this shot is nasty, it's oil based and comes in a "Large" needle, which goes in the upper butt area. My husband will have to give me this shot, at this point he is an old-pro but during our first procedure I made him practice on a peach. I told him over and over again, "You have to commit, just jab it in there. I will be mad if you are too delicate and don't do it quickly." I know you may be thinking, wow, remember I am a Type-1 Diabetic and although I have an insulin pump now I used to give myself 3-5 shots daily, I'm good with needles, as long as it's a medical professional or myself giving them. My husband has it down at this point though.
The Progesterone will start Tuesday. Progesterone is an EXTREMELY important medication, because without proper progesterone any pregnancy will fail. During an IVF cycle because of other drugs that you are taking the progesterone levels can be lower, which is why they are given before the transfer and continue even after. Progesterone is needed to secure the implantation of the embryos to the uterine lining and to aid in the growth of the embryos.
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| Gabby's Elmo Cupcakes |
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| We, of course had to get her a T-Ball, sports are a must in our family. As ex-softball and baseball players we can't wait to teach her. Look at her face so excited to be playing with Uncle B! |
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| Her Mom and Dad bought her these awesome balloons, which she loved. She is everything to me and so adorable, I just can't believe she's 2! |
That brings us to "transfer week," our frozen embryo transfer is still scheduled for Friday. We won't know what time until Wednesday, as everything has to be administered at just the right time. Following the transfer I will be on strict bed-rest for 3 days or until Sunday evening. I will post later this week about how the actual procedure works.
I'm anxious, excited and ready. I know this week will go by so fast, which means I need to make sure we have food in the house and we are prepared for me to be out of commission for 3 days. As for medication week we will be adding 2 different shots and 3 different pill medications to our medication list.
One of the shots is Progesterone, this shot is nasty, it's oil based and comes in a "Large" needle, which goes in the upper butt area. My husband will have to give me this shot, at this point he is an old-pro but during our first procedure I made him practice on a peach. I told him over and over again, "You have to commit, just jab it in there. I will be mad if you are too delicate and don't do it quickly." I know you may be thinking, wow, remember I am a Type-1 Diabetic and although I have an insulin pump now I used to give myself 3-5 shots daily, I'm good with needles, as long as it's a medical professional or myself giving them. My husband has it down at this point though.
The Progesterone will start Tuesday. Progesterone is an EXTREMELY important medication, because without proper progesterone any pregnancy will fail. During an IVF cycle because of other drugs that you are taking the progesterone levels can be lower, which is why they are given before the transfer and continue even after. Progesterone is needed to secure the implantation of the embryos to the uterine lining and to aid in the growth of the embryos.
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Ultrasound Update
My husband and I went into the fertility clinic bright and early this morning for an ultrasound. The ultrasound was needed to check the progression of my uterine lining. To be honest it was nice to see my uterus again and to know that my uterus looks healthy...it is one of my last female organs that actually seems to work correctly so I'm protective of it, haha. I'm sorry if that's too much info but I really don't have a filter when it comes to talking about my female areas. Anyway, everything looked great and the lining it right where it needs to be for the transfer next week so we kept the date of Friday March 2nd.
It was nice to be at the clinic I really haven't been there a whole lot recently because we've been able to do so much from Holland. The staff at the clinic is wonderful, they are friendly and so compassionate. We met with our nurse Sandy. Sandy was the first nurse we ever met when we started this journey and she has been a constant along with a couple other nurses from the very beginning. I appreciate her so much because she is always there for the good and bad. Our clinic is fabulous and I would recommend it to anyone, they put a lot of their own emotion into it and really feel for you and your situation.
So, everything went really well. I, however had a little bit of an emotion breakdown while talking to Sandy. I have a really hard time letting my guard down and getting too excited about the procedure. I am just so scared to be let down again. I do, however, have good feeling about this procedure, I've had a wonderful few weeks of no stress, a wonderful massage last night and a wonderful peace of mind from my family and friends. I just don't want to have that feeling again of heartbreak. Poor Sandy knows all to well, she has unfortunately always been the one to break the bad news to me. It was nice to see the confidence in her voice while speaking about our case and hearing that she just knows that it will work for us. :)
It's 1 week left until the procedure and my emotions are definitely on high alert and the tears have started to flow. Being alone the past few days as my husband is at work I have the time to just think, probably a good and a bad thing. I think in some ways this time off and this alone time has given me time to heal a bit and to reaffirm that I was meant to be a mother.
Our decision sits stronger with me then ever that we will be parents and our decision to go forward with IVF was right. Maybe, as my Aunt Ruth says, "It's a God Thing," where for a split moment there is just peace and you know that your decision is right and going forward is just so much easier. I know for sure it's a Gramps thing, telling me to keep going and that he's right with me. My prayer for myself and for my husband and for everyone else is that we be at peace, there are just some things in life that you just have to rely on FAITH to get your through!
It was nice to be at the clinic I really haven't been there a whole lot recently because we've been able to do so much from Holland. The staff at the clinic is wonderful, they are friendly and so compassionate. We met with our nurse Sandy. Sandy was the first nurse we ever met when we started this journey and she has been a constant along with a couple other nurses from the very beginning. I appreciate her so much because she is always there for the good and bad. Our clinic is fabulous and I would recommend it to anyone, they put a lot of their own emotion into it and really feel for you and your situation.
So, everything went really well. I, however had a little bit of an emotion breakdown while talking to Sandy. I have a really hard time letting my guard down and getting too excited about the procedure. I am just so scared to be let down again. I do, however, have good feeling about this procedure, I've had a wonderful few weeks of no stress, a wonderful massage last night and a wonderful peace of mind from my family and friends. I just don't want to have that feeling again of heartbreak. Poor Sandy knows all to well, she has unfortunately always been the one to break the bad news to me. It was nice to see the confidence in her voice while speaking about our case and hearing that she just knows that it will work for us. :)
It's 1 week left until the procedure and my emotions are definitely on high alert and the tears have started to flow. Being alone the past few days as my husband is at work I have the time to just think, probably a good and a bad thing. I think in some ways this time off and this alone time has given me time to heal a bit and to reaffirm that I was meant to be a mother.
Our decision sits stronger with me then ever that we will be parents and our decision to go forward with IVF was right. Maybe, as my Aunt Ruth says, "It's a God Thing," where for a split moment there is just peace and you know that your decision is right and going forward is just so much easier. I know for sure it's a Gramps thing, telling me to keep going and that he's right with me. My prayer for myself and for my husband and for everyone else is that we be at peace, there are just some things in life that you just have to rely on FAITH to get your through!
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